Cold Showers
by Gremblin
Summary: Sequal to 'Or Hockey' & 'Drinking Contest'. Rodney gets ahead of the new Recruits and gives them a speech they'll remember.


Okay. Hopefully this story will get the 'Proud Canadian' Rodney fics out of my system. Hopefully. I can't guarantee it, though it's highly likely. Mainly because I can't find anymore Molsen Canadian commercials on YouTube that strike me as something that Rodney might do.

Okay. You all know the drill. In 'Or Hockey' I got more than a hundred viewings on the first day ALONE. On 'Drinking Pride' I got more than two hundred on the first day ALONE. I'd really appreciate it if you'd review after you read, because it makes me feel all tingly and happy inside. It also floods my hotmail inbox and makes me feel loved. I'm loved, right? If I'm not loved, I know these stories are at least enjoyed by many. Even if you don't like the story review and tell me how much a load of B.S. it is.

0o0o0o0o0

Rodney sat in the lab, Zelenka sitting beside him and a few scientists moving around behind the two. They were looking over a list of names of the new people that were coming to Atlantis. Suddenly Rodney sighed. It was one that made all scientists in the room stiffen in their movements, as it was one usually used just before he exploded at one of them. But no explosion came. Zelenka was the brave one that asked it.

"What's wrong?" All were unsure if Zelenka had just signed his own death warrant, or if they really wanted to know the answer.

"There's a ton of Americans coming with the Daedalus. That's the last thing I need." Rodney answered evenly. He rubbed his eyes tiredly with his bare hand before taking a long sip of his coffee. Zelenka couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Why is that bad thing?" Many worried gasps could be heard around the lab. They were all sure that he was dead now, no one was able to question Rodney's 'all-knowing' motives or, god forbid, feelings.

"It's a bad thing because I'm going to have to endure a week of them cracking jokes and making assumptions according to their stupidly undereducated minds and their beliefs that our stereotypes are actually true." Rodney said quickly, anger edging his voice. All in the room silently begged and prayed that Zelenka would stay quiet this time.

"Why not tell them the truth before that? Just get all in big group and set things straight." Zelenka suggested. At first the other scientists in the room thought he was an idiot to suggest something to the head scientist. Hell, Rodney thought he was a complete idiot. Then Rodney realized that his second in command was right, it would be easier to just get them all in one big group, not to mention faster and less of a waste of time. The other scientists realized it would likely use up a majority of Rodney's daily anger and yelling quota so he would possibly be halfway pleasant to work with afterwards.

"That's brilliant." Rodney said, getting up and leaving without another word.

0o0o0o0o0

A large group of people stood in the gate room below the control room on Atlantis. Most were marines, soldiers sent to replace those that had died for whatever reason. At the top of the stairs stood Weir, Rodney, and John. All three had lists of names held in their hands and were checking off who was and wasn't accounted for.

"Okay, everyone seems to be here." Weir commented. She turned to Rodney and John. "Do either of you have anything you need to say before we split them off and send them to where they need to be?" John shook his head, but Rodney surprised them and nodded.

"I do." Rodney told her. Her eyes wide and filled with confusion and wonder, she motioned for him to step forward. He cleared his throat and waited until all eyes were on him.

"Hi. I'm Rodney McKay, the Head Scientist here on Atlantis. I know quite a few of you here are American, so I'm just going to answer your questions before you even manage to think of them." Rodney paused and took a deep breathe. Those that had come to watch the orientation that had already been on Atlantis were all quite curious to see what Rodney was going to say. They all knew his reputation.

"I'm Canadian. I'm not a lumberjack, or a Fur Trader. I've never lived in an Igloo, or eat blubber or own a dog sled. I don't know Jimmy, Sally, or Suzie, from Canada although I'm sure they're quite nice people." Those that knew Rodney were barely keeping their laughter in. The stories of how he had beaten three marines in a drinking contest, and beaten up three other marines for making fun of Canada had spread like wildfire through Atlantis.

"I have a Prime Minister, not a President. I don't speak American, because it isn't a real language." He sent a glare to a few choice people upon saying this. Those that received the glare blushed or looked guilty.

"I pronounce it about, not aboot. I can proudly sew my counties flag on my backpack. I believe in peacekeeping, not policing. Diversity, not assimilation, and that the Beaver is a truly proud and noble animal." A few Canadians cheered when he said that.

"A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch, and it is pronouced Zed! Not Zee, Zed! Canada is the second largest land mass, the first nation of Hockey, and the best part of North America! Thank you!" Rodney paused to catch his breath. "IF anybody asks me any stupid questions about Canada, if I find out that anybody has been thinking that the stereotypes are true I will personally see to it that you have absolutely no access to hot water on Atlantis. EVER. As the man in charge of the people who keeps the majority of Atlantis running, YES I CAN DO THAT." Rodney stepped back, feeling quite proud of himself for getting ahead of any stupid questions. He sent a glare out over the crowd to try and assure them that yes, he was dead serious.

0o0o0o0o0

A week later, twenty five of the new American recruits on Atlantis found themselves without hot water. None were sure why because they had been sure that Rodney hadn't been anywheres near them when they started making wisecracks about Canadians.

Rodney McKay, however, was enjoying watching the Canadians Women Olympic Hockey team win the gold, while enjoying a cold Canadian beer. He was quite sure that he wouldn't be bothered by anymore stupid jokes.

Though he was quite enjoying the surprised shouts when someone tried to use someone else's bathroom to have a warm shower, only to find freezing cold.


End file.
